Some Thoughts

Which Country am I today : USA
Specific Location : Gulf of Mexico (offshore)

I am really considering to stop this work.

Why don't I?
I am a "need to feel secure" kind of person. I got a job now, so why risk giving it up for the unknown? It pays quite ok. I am on a 5 weeks on 5 weeks off schedule, and those 5 weeks off (holidays) is just superb. Theoretically it means i just don't work half of a year!! But that's about it (and sometimes i have to do something anyway during those holidays...)

Why do I want to stop?
Well, those 5 weeks on board, they really suck. If you want to destroy your social life, any chance for a decent relationship, come join me in working offshore. It's tough. Working 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day, always in the same office, seeing the same faces every day, you get fed up with it! But really, the worst part is my social life. I am doing this work now for almost 10 years, and i lost more friends then i made, i have been in and out a few relationships, they just won't work the way i would like them to.

I so much regret the fact i didn’t finish my university education when i had the chance to. Actually i am lucky to have ended up the way I did, it could have been much worse. At least i make a decent living, don't have to fly the cheapest airlines to Thailand, and can afford to have an apartment in Holland as well as in Bangkok.

But apparently I had the brains to go to University. And it now works in my disadvantage because the job i am doing doesn't satisfy me any more, and i truly can't believe i have to do this for the rest of my active working life, which would be some more 30 years, if i don't win the lottery...
I am trying to do some studying at this moment, logistics management, but it's hard after 12 hours of work to still study.

So it is difficult to get out of here. But if I really want to, i have to do it myself. I notice i am feeling so sorry for myself lately ("why don't they appreciate the work i do, why don't i make more money, why don't i get offered a wonderful job) that it makes me sick.

But more and more i get the feeling, it is now or never, and if i don't do anything soon, i will be stuck here for the rest of my life, feeling sorry for myself, and becoming the person that i swore i would never become!